When I needed a neighbour 
Were you there, were you there? 
And the creed and the colour 
And the name won’t matter 
Were you there?

In the latest re-launch of her campaign, Theresa May chose to remind everyone that the REAL reason she called this election was not over the issue of school meal funding, or the legality of fox hunting, or a desire to solve the social care funding crisis, but in order to acquire a mandate for her Brexit negotiating strategy, which coincidentally, she has chosen not to share. Putting faith in the Conservatives, the public were told, is the only way to ensure that the negotiations will be successful…even if they aren’t.

Such a strategy is risky, because in the age of large trading blocks, Britain desperately needs good neighbours. If no deal is made with the EU, then how will that affect our relationship with Europe as a whole, and the individual countries that constitute it? The Conservative election campaign has been gloriously scant on details in this regard, but Theresa May has continued to insist that a “Deal or No Deal” situation is preferable to a bad deal. Perhaps Noel Edmonds can lend a hand?

I was cold, I was naked 
Were you there, were you there? 
And the creed and the colour 
And the name won’t matter 
Were you there?

As a church going, God-fearing Prime Minister, Theresa May must know, that even if Jeremy Corbyn were deserted by Keir Starmer, Owen Smith, and every other MP and civil servant selected by the Labour Party to negotiate Brexit, Corbyn would never truly be alone, least of all naked, because God would be there too! All the more so, as according to Theresa May, God voted Leave! Or at least that’s how Alastair Campbell tried to spin it.

Wherever you travel I’ll be there, I’ll be there,
Wherever you travel I’ll be there.
And the creed and the colour and the name won’t matter, I’ll be there.

Quite rightly, Jeremy Corbyn batted aside any suggestion that he’d be be caught without any clothes on. “Totally inappropriate,” he declared. If his rising poll numbers are real, and there is increasing evidence that they are, then he might even improve on the 9,347,304 people who could possibly share a negotiating chamber with him now if he were sent to meet Michel Barnier.